While I feel your letter ending our relationship was better than, say, a text message break-up, a phone call or an in-person ending might have been a bit more classy. Especially since you consider class such an important role in your life, even on pancakes.
I understand your need to end our relationship; I have always known that I simply cannot compete with all-natural maple syrup, particularly now with the whole "organic" and "natural" trend spreading across the nation. However, your harsh criticism of my quality and class was unnecessary and very hurtful. This was not what I had expected from such a world-renowned dancer such as yourself. And you consider yourself in the same social standing as Gershwin and Ginger! You should be ashamed of yourself. I expected more from a man who prides himself on his grace and sophistication. While our relationship has come to an end, please be aware that my ability to provide extraneous supplies of sugary syrup to most of the unknowing people of this country will continue for decades. I will also prevail when all the maple trees no longer exist in New England and Canada gains the maple syrup monopoly!
While I am truly heart-wrenched that you and I will no longer be sharing breakfasts and the occasional midnight snack, I will speak nothing but praise for your dancing. I cannot describe my jealousy of the way you and Ginger twirled across the dance floor. I always felt so stuck in my restricted mold. Being able to watch you and Ginger was a blessing and I am so pleased to have provided you with the sweet syrup for your morning breakfast, at least in the beginning. I suppose we all move on in life and now was just your time. Congratulations on all the touring you are now doing. Say hi to Ginger for me.
all the best,
Aunt Jemima.
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